As I was driving home from the airport, I switched on the radio to keep me mentally alert while driving.
I listened keenly as it was Woman’s hour on BBC Radio 4. Well lo’ and behold, the thoughts that were swirling around my head were being voiced by 3 women…
DAUGHTERS ESTRANGED FROM THEIR MOTHERS, PARENTING FOR SELF-ESTEEM
I thought of how the universe was trying to tell me that I was not alone. That some mothers can’t love and unluckily I just happened to be the daughter of one of those mothers.
Having not spoken to my mother or seen her in 7yrs, I had finally plucked up the courage to send a letter the same week, telling her that we do not have a relationship and that we have never had a loving relationship.
Before that it was about what she wanted from me… my attention, but mostly money or a place to stay and drive me mad with her negativity.
I was too scared to tell her to stop abusing me mentally and emotionally as opposed to physically when I was a child.
But I could feel my mental health deteriorating as my self-esteem became lower and my resilience to deal with what life was throwing at me even less so.
I was dying on the inside…
I had to make a decision about the cause of my emotional and mental pain.
At the end of the brief interviews a link was shared.
I now have another place to make sense of my insanity.