Living is such hard work at times, I just don’t have the inclination to continue it. The constant battles, war of words (all in my mind). Then there is the bible verse that says “the day of your death is greater than the day of your birth.” Strangely, I have always been drawn to these words since a very young girl. The belief that one day it will all end.
My negative thoughts scare me sometimes…
They scare me because at my lowest, I find myself involuntarily saying
“I want to die,” with such intensity I feel the need to carry through. I am in a good place now, but I worry at my lowest moment again if I will one day follow through.
During my most recent bout I came out with the statement, that the ones who had suceeded were the lucky ones…
They were brave to take control and put an end to the sadness in their soul. The hole that nothing or no one can fill…
The complete loss of hope.