013 Darkness: The Woman who stands behind ‘her inner child’…

The Woman.
The woman behind her inner child.

The woman who stands behind her inner child suffers from having low serotonin, so biologically she is already impaired, asides from the effects of the environment she grew up in.

PTSD, panic attacks brought on by high anxiety and low self-esteem.

She was unaware of all these symptoms until after the birth of her 2nd child. Until the midwife asked her how she was doing?

She couldn’t remember anyone asking her this question and really wanting to know the answer.

What she described to the midwife made her pause and ask tentatively,

“So, how long she you been feeling this way?”

“For as long as I can remember…” She said

“That’s not good”, she replied.

Then, silence…

She was in shock. She suddenly understood why she was different from everyone else she knew. That the weirdness everyone talked about was only describing her coping mechanisms.

With clenched teeth, so to speak, to avoid unforeseen anihilation.

  1. She was always the one dressed inappropriately to get into a club forcing others to cancel their night of debaunchary;
  2. The one who did not want to leave the hotel room on holidays.
  3. The one who would stay seated in a dark room on a hot sunny day.
  4. The one who would complete job applications, reach the 2nd stage of interviews and then make excuses to pull out.

I could go on, but that would just bore you.

Anyway…

Soon after this, well a few good years later she was introduced to anti-depressants. The catalyst being yet another encounter with her ‘wilfully blind’ mother. She had turned 40 years old and it was time to confront the source of the cantankerous, malginant melodrama in her life.

This wonder drug was also known as ‘Happy Pills’. Suddenly her concentration levels increased, she could keep at bay the thoughts that threatened to kill her.

She was able to raise her children mostly on her own. But with much support from her open loving in-laws (God sent she believed, her own family being emotionally unavailable). Being educated and persistant, she unfortunately lacked self-belief.

But no more hiding. The truth will set you free they say, that and finally believing in her existence of the truth.

Her truth.

 

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