008 So… What now? Thinking myself into a good place.

‘Change your thoughts,

Change your life…’

I live mostly in my head or more precisely in my mind. It replays what my mother taught me. That I am nothing and will never be anyone of importance or worth…

I have spent my life trying not to believe it. But when the world outside my front door trys to tell me the same thing, I find myself wading through dark thick molasses to unlearn the lies.

I must consciously think myself into a good place, Everyday.

Walking pass complete strangers who approach me with a smile, I must raise my eyes and greet them in kind. I must not sucumb to the sterotype that my black skin will force them to cross the road or look away, although some of them do. I must continue to engage in conversation with perfect strangers, leaving a trail of sunshine.

I must take the time to engage and not hide in public with my silence or my stern expression. This cloak does not represent my inner most self.  I must stop my emotions from making me too lazy to take part in my own life, to sucumb to apathy. I must let my sweetness show through, my smile, my compassion, my empathy, my openess.

I am worthy of love, of being seen, of not letting the shame of my mother’s lack of love crush me. She is only one person and not as powerful as my higher power, who in turn give me power.

She is small and insignificant to my life and my well-being.

I am enough.

Really I am…

For me.

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