010 So… what now? Stay in the present and really look how far you have come.

Why does my mind keep creeping back to my past? It is too much of a comfortable place for me, the familiarity of wallowing and hiding. I am torn between isolation and a fear of crowds or meeting new people. I am afraid of being judged of preconcieved ideas being thrown in my face. Maybe not intentionally, but I don’t do well with small talk it’s too external. Too superficial, too flippant. Too tediuos, I know I can do small talk, and be social but it takes great effort to get me outside my house once I am home from work. Being social at work is hardwork too I come home exhauated. I am an introvert by nature and nuture.

I love being at home in my own company. I can do what I want, when I want, but I miss the intimacy of a relationship, in fact I fear that too. It will take a very open, honest, mindful, compassionate and accepting person to steal my heart again. That and being bold enough to challenge me to grow daily. They must have completed as much work on themselves to recognise and  tame their demons. They must know and be in tune with their higher power.

Today I decide to stay in the present with my higher power, broken mirror an’ all.


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