#3 Happy Family: Leaving home, a Studious child.

My story…

Education & God saved me…

Growing up in a ‘nuclear fall out’ of a home was and is traumatic to this day. What makes it worst is all the denial, I am the only one that wants truth and reconciliation.

But like Macbeth’s 3 witches rolled into one my mother prefers to spread mistrust and hate amongest her remaining children.

I always said home left me…

When my parents moved back to the Caribbean and none of us children wanted to go with them. I wonder why?

Anyway I dreamt of becoming a fashion designer and pursued the Arts to the disappoinment of my English teacher. She was so enthusiatic about my creative writing from the age of 12 years old and my obsession with reading that I became a test reader for her colleagues who were budding writers themselves.

She really thought I would pursue a English degree…

I was told once I had verbal diarrhoea, because I gushed in my writing. Using too many words to say the same thing. But I have learned to be more direct. I hope!

Then, I couldn’t think straight or didn’t have the confidence to be direct. I was a timid, painfully, painfully shy girl. Racked with insecurites confirmed daily by my mother. Who beat, humiliated and shamed me on a regular basis.

I learned to be a loner to protect my shame of feeling and being unwanted. Even though my father showed affection, he could also be cruel. I recieved many a slap across the face for challenging him, which resulted in swollens eyes and a dis-located cheekbone (this I was to find out much later under ex-ray while visting a holistic Dentist).

I have always wondered what more I could find out, was done to me if I was hypnotised. But I am afraid I might go mad from the knowledge.

The knowledge that, the one person who I thought loved me the most. Did the most physical damage. That kind of knowledge is chilling to the bone.

HENCE I have trouble trusting anyone…

 

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